Many women fall into the ice-queen trap, where their default facial expression gives off the impression of: “If you come up to me, I’ll rip your face offâ€. Once you know them you can say hi every time you go back.Īnd some of you have been fretting about how much eye contact to give, yada yada. The trainers can introduce you to just about anybody, and they are really easy to talk to, since all you have to do is ask for their help with an exercise or get them to create a workout regime for you. Knowing the personal trainers is a goldmine for knowing anyone else in the gym. He advises women to get know know personal trainers at the gym. Of course, if you have high standards it’s crucial that you hold yourself to the same level. People will sense that you won’t settle for less than you deserve, and as such they’ll bring their best selves to the table, because they know that’s what you expect from them. Only what happened is that we chose to ignore it, because it felt uncomfortable to confront, or because we were afraid that if we held out longer we might not find someone else.īut the secret is, when you have standards, you become infinitely more attractive to men. And deep down, if we are really honest about the relationships that we have had in the past, we could spot the initial problem in the first week of dating those guys. Often out of insecurity or desperation we can settle for people that we just know aren’t right for us. His advice is practical, hands on, and most importantly, SPECIFIC.
There’s been a lot of stuff I’ve learned since getting hitched, and I’ll be dayumed that any of you should have to go through all the crappola I did before I “ got the guy.” There was no implementation of “The Rules,” in fact, I broke every single one of them. I found mine, but I basically tripped and fell on him. Too bad what I found within was so late coming, because it would have saved me a lot of heartache and used condoms before I met The Hubster.īut the great part of this blog is that I have the opportunity to be the big sister I always wished I had, and hopefully steer young black women to make better choices about finding their dream guy. I just read his e-book, “ Secrets of the Male Mind,” and honestly, this is the first time I’ve read advice from a man’s perspective that had no perceptible whiff of horse manure. His obvious hotness aside, this guy really knows his stuff. And yes had I know Matthew when I was single, I would DEFINITELY NOT been miserable.
Now I can allow myself to find the right person.” This might sound like a small difference, but just allowing ourselves to take on this more correct understanding of what has happened can free us to move forward.I know what you’re thinking. We can now say more easily, “Although I’m hurt right now, this person wasn’t right for me. It’s a much more manageable type of pain. But by grieving only for your disappointment and dashed expectations, you allow yourself to remain open to the next guy who comes along. I don’t mean to minimize the amount it hurts. And if you look at it this way-that in some regard, he failed to live up to your values and standards, so how could he have been your soul mate?-the pain is likely to be less severe. Consider this: the pain doesn’t come from losing your soul mate, but from the disappointment that this guy wasn’t your soul mate.